The talk..

I had the talk twice in one week! Wondering what talk I am refering to? It's the talk you have with the one that never worked out, the one you thought was the "one". The special one that you always wanted to be around, that you could tell anything to,that you thought the world of, but suddenly they said "sorry I don't think we will work out". And that was it, their explanation sounded lame and all you could think was, "maybe, just maybe I wasn't good enough". Then you struggled through the emotions, of hope, then hopelessness , then hate, then self pity, and finally you tried to let go while still wondering what actually went wrong.

Time passes, seasons ccome and go, people come and go, then you are fine again, more beautiful, stronger and with the knowledge that you were not the problem in the first place. Then one day you come across these people and you are bold enough to ask why? That's when the talk happens. Maybe the passage of time makes you more objective and the pain less, but you somehow understand now. The talk is helpful, but you are secretly thrilled by the fact that you can detect a note of longing in their voice , howbeit small. You had the talk, and you know that somewhere in their mind they are still wondering, how their life will have been If you were an active part of it. You walk away from that talk with a smile on your face and springs in your step, secure in the knowledge that, that chapter of your life is finally over.

Back to life, back to reality...

That song makes more sense to me now than ever before, life is actually our reality..(okay forgive my philosophising) I just returned from my vacation, and the last few days of it were quite anxious for me, as I pondered the reason why, I realised that somehow, I had managed to create a parallel reality with my vacation time, one in which I didn't care about work,who was angry at me and who wasn't, who loved me and who didn't, what clothes to wear, how to walk, talk, eat, sleep. A reality in which every time was me time!

"Selfish"! I hear you say, maybe, just maybe you are right. I must admit though it felt really good, I had some spiritual awakening, a truck load of sound advise, some unhealthy indulgences (I truly regret them, but they are behind me now)and most of all, a lot of me time. Come to think of it,is it really selfish to indulge in me? Is it selfish to go by yourself, into yourself to know yourself (hope you aint lost yet?). Is it selfish to take out time, not to care about the news headlines, the excitement of work, the intrigue of family and the hassles of life?

If your answer to my questions is yes, then I am guilty as charged. Anyway your distinguished highness, temper justice with mercy because I am back to life now, and back to reality. The story of my life continues from here, and like I love to think, it is a beautiful life.

Who needs friends anyway..

Some days I wake up thinking, "Who needs friends anyway". How wrong I was on those days, everyone sure needs friends. I am on vacation, yippee!!! I had looked forward to it from the beginning of the year and I decided to use the opportunity to visit with a friend I hadn't seen in over a year. She was a pleasant surprise, first she hasn't really changed from the fly , fun loving person I knew, this was made evident when I heard my name mentioned over the P.A system in a crowded airport..lol ( I felt like the heroine in a movie..lol).Anyway the next pleasant surprise came when we got gisting, she had really matured spiritually, physically and emotionally (this is not a cliche, it is for real). She told me all the things I really needed to hear, it was like scales falling off my eyes..need I say more..I love her!!.

Now I open up my mail box, and got a prompt from facebook, informing me that another friend had tagged me in his note, he hadn't written a note in a while, but he now goes and write one titled "What have I done....differently"..highly thought provoking, it should have come with a warning sign..."If you don't want to think, don't read". Since it didn't come with one, yours truly read it, and now I can't stop thinking, he asked a question that is begging for an answer, and my mind doesn't want to ease off until it is answered, help! my mind has gone all scholarly on me! Before I lose you completely, the question was.. where were you in October 2008?, and what have you added to yourself in the one year since then? Are you just busy hanging on to what you had then? Or have you done things differently to achieve some results?

Both my friends have provoked me to be a better person, to let go of things I can't control (leave them at God's doorstep)focus instead on the things I can, and improve at them. So now, when my scholarly mind asks the question " who needs friends anyway, I quietly answer, I do.