Songs and gloomy days

I have had a lot of low periods in my life, periods when I thought it was me against the world, No one else cared, I was the only one going through what I was going through,there was no way out of it, I was hopeless and helpless....and the list is unending. In these periods I am unreasonable, work myself up into an almost depressed state and once or twice even entertained suicidal thoughts..(I no get liver sha).

I have had such periods one time too many in my life. looking back now, I realise the one thing that got me through them were songs. I love music, especially christian contemporary music. They have a way of preaching to me like no Pastor can. They have an unassuming, unsuspecting way of bringing God's word to me, such that it sinks in. They have seen me through failure, heartaches, heart breaks and pain. One of such songs is "City on our Knees" by Tobymac. I will share the lyrics of the song with you and maybe, just maybe you can catch a glimpse of what I mean.


If you gotta start somewhere why not here
If you gotta start sometime why not now
If we gotta start somewhere I say here
If we gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog there is hope in the distance
From cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave

Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
It’s all up tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

If you gotta start somewhere why not here
If you gotta start sometime why not now
If we gotta start somewhere I say here
If we gotta start sometime I say now
Through the fog there is hope in the distance
From cathedrals to third world missions
Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave

Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
It’s all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh-oh-oh

Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
Tonight could last forever
Ooh
Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
As family
We’re family
Oh Tonight could last forever
We are one choice from together
You and me
Ya, you and me
Tonight’s the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide
In a glorious display
Cuz its all love tonight
When we step across the line
We can sail across the sea
To a city with one king
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh oh oh
A city on our knees
A city on our knees
Oh oh oh
If we gotta start somewhere why not here
If we gotta start sometime why not now

Have a blessed day!!

A plea to God for Nigeria

I am sitting at my desk and wondering what 2010 holds for me as an individual, for my family and for the country as a whole. A friend has suggested we seek God's face, really commit the year into His care. I am doing just that but then again I read the papers, hear the comments all around me and experience a profound sadness for the state of the land I belong to. What I feel is far from pride, far from hope, far from peace. what I feel is closer to bleakness, despair and chaos. My heart is being rampaged by a myriad of emotions.

God, Oh God! Can Nigeria be saved? Or as BBC puts it, are we a failed state without hopes of redemption? The streets of our towns are a witness to the state of our nation...dirty, ravaged and all attempts at restructuring appearing like a piece of plaster over a festering sore.

I weep for the land, for the people, a people trugding along like the living dead, a people hit by the wave of corruption, militancy, death and now stigmatized by terrorism.. 2010 is starting out with a bleak outlook, Lord turn our story around, bring us up from the status of scum of Africa..Help us and the future of our unborn generations.

My heart-cry today is that the God of heaven will look down on us with pity and save us from ourselves, our corruption, our self serving attitude, and especially our complacency. God please save Nigeria the country of my birth, the country I call home. Save Nigeria please..

December 1st..yeah!!!

It's the first day of the last month in the year 2009, yippee!!!!..and then ooohhh..It's that time of the year when I have mixed feelings, first of joy for making it this far, then a bit of sadness for all my unaccomplished goals, then finally anxiety, wondering If I can still accomplish any before the year runs out.

What the heck!! this year I will just skip the last two emotions and bask in the first, imagine if that runaway trailer had crushed me?, or robbers had sacked my streets?, or that sickness had killed me?..wait a minute what If I had lost my mother to that stroke? or my sister in the miltant attack?..Abeg o, I have no choice but to be joyfuland bless the God of heaven for deeming it fit to bestow His grace and mercy upon me.

I truly have a lot to be thankful for....
I am thankful for life
I am thankful for health
I am thankful for my family
I am thankful for a great job, and great employers
I am thankful for great friends
and most especially I am thankful for a God that loves me inspite of myself..

When all around you is silent....

Have you ever been surrounded by a lot of people and still felt alone?
Have you ever watched your phone all day and yet the only noise it made was from a reminder you set?
Have you ever logged on to your messenger and though there were several little yellow smileys ,none of them was interested in having a conversation with you? (I know you are thinking, why don't you buzz one of them)
Have you ever felt like church was a routine?
Have you ever felt like your life was a routine?
If you answered yes to any of the questions above, then you will understand what it means for all around you to be silent.When it seems nobody really cares, when it seems like even God has left you to your own devices, when it seems you are all alone in the world. But I learnt one thing recently, that when all around me is silent, that is when I should listen more, because something is brewing , because in a short while something will explode, something that cannot be contained, something that God was working out in the silence..

The talk..

I had the talk twice in one week! Wondering what talk I am refering to? It's the talk you have with the one that never worked out, the one you thought was the "one". The special one that you always wanted to be around, that you could tell anything to,that you thought the world of, but suddenly they said "sorry I don't think we will work out". And that was it, their explanation sounded lame and all you could think was, "maybe, just maybe I wasn't good enough". Then you struggled through the emotions, of hope, then hopelessness , then hate, then self pity, and finally you tried to let go while still wondering what actually went wrong.

Time passes, seasons ccome and go, people come and go, then you are fine again, more beautiful, stronger and with the knowledge that you were not the problem in the first place. Then one day you come across these people and you are bold enough to ask why? That's when the talk happens. Maybe the passage of time makes you more objective and the pain less, but you somehow understand now. The talk is helpful, but you are secretly thrilled by the fact that you can detect a note of longing in their voice , howbeit small. You had the talk, and you know that somewhere in their mind they are still wondering, how their life will have been If you were an active part of it. You walk away from that talk with a smile on your face and springs in your step, secure in the knowledge that, that chapter of your life is finally over.

Back to life, back to reality...

That song makes more sense to me now than ever before, life is actually our reality..(okay forgive my philosophising) I just returned from my vacation, and the last few days of it were quite anxious for me, as I pondered the reason why, I realised that somehow, I had managed to create a parallel reality with my vacation time, one in which I didn't care about work,who was angry at me and who wasn't, who loved me and who didn't, what clothes to wear, how to walk, talk, eat, sleep. A reality in which every time was me time!

"Selfish"! I hear you say, maybe, just maybe you are right. I must admit though it felt really good, I had some spiritual awakening, a truck load of sound advise, some unhealthy indulgences (I truly regret them, but they are behind me now)and most of all, a lot of me time. Come to think of it,is it really selfish to indulge in me? Is it selfish to go by yourself, into yourself to know yourself (hope you aint lost yet?). Is it selfish to take out time, not to care about the news headlines, the excitement of work, the intrigue of family and the hassles of life?

If your answer to my questions is yes, then I am guilty as charged. Anyway your distinguished highness, temper justice with mercy because I am back to life now, and back to reality. The story of my life continues from here, and like I love to think, it is a beautiful life.

Who needs friends anyway..

Some days I wake up thinking, "Who needs friends anyway". How wrong I was on those days, everyone sure needs friends. I am on vacation, yippee!!! I had looked forward to it from the beginning of the year and I decided to use the opportunity to visit with a friend I hadn't seen in over a year. She was a pleasant surprise, first she hasn't really changed from the fly , fun loving person I knew, this was made evident when I heard my name mentioned over the P.A system in a crowded airport..lol ( I felt like the heroine in a movie..lol).Anyway the next pleasant surprise came when we got gisting, she had really matured spiritually, physically and emotionally (this is not a cliche, it is for real). She told me all the things I really needed to hear, it was like scales falling off my eyes..need I say more..I love her!!.

Now I open up my mail box, and got a prompt from facebook, informing me that another friend had tagged me in his note, he hadn't written a note in a while, but he now goes and write one titled "What have I done....differently"..highly thought provoking, it should have come with a warning sign..."If you don't want to think, don't read". Since it didn't come with one, yours truly read it, and now I can't stop thinking, he asked a question that is begging for an answer, and my mind doesn't want to ease off until it is answered, help! my mind has gone all scholarly on me! Before I lose you completely, the question was.. where were you in October 2008?, and what have you added to yourself in the one year since then? Are you just busy hanging on to what you had then? Or have you done things differently to achieve some results?

Both my friends have provoked me to be a better person, to let go of things I can't control (leave them at God's doorstep)focus instead on the things I can, and improve at them. So now, when my scholarly mind asks the question " who needs friends anyway, I quietly answer, I do.