All kinds of thoughts raced through my mind..... what could have gone wrong, I did everything I knew how to do right, where oh where did I go wrong..my heart cried out as I looked through my messenger list, desperately searching for someone who could share my pain and reduce it's weight, yeah saw glowing yellow icons all over, got down to typing messages when my eyes caught the "busy" note trailing the yellow smiley, wondered why I hadn't noticed it earlier...
All my friends are busy......but I need to talk to somebody, anybody, my heart screamed this time , as the pain from the green eyed monsters squeeze became more pronounced.. I gasped for breathe as I tried to recall a verse, I had learnt in sunday school.... what was it again ..yes... "For the fruits of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith...... as it trailed off because somewhere in my mind a voice kept screaming...why weren't you called, why wasn't it given to you.. it is because you are no good, and this voice fueled the strength of the green monster (envy) as it's hold got tighter and strangling.... yeah why wasn't I the one called, yes why wasn't I given.....why? why? why?
As I was about to give in to the pain, the voices, self pity, self deprecation... somewhere in the midst of the chaos I heard a still small voice, at first it was too faint to hear in all the cacophony.....then it became stronger and stronger until I could only here it "Eyes have not seen ; ears have not heard, neither has it entered into the heart of man, what I have prepared for you because you love me and are called according to my purpose" yes , yes I screamed as I exhaled and turned around to see several eyes staring at me like I just stepped out of a psychiatric hospital....I just bursted into laughter as I remembered I was still in the office..
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