As she swaggered past me, I couldn't help the thoughts that came to me "Who does she even think she is?" then I tried to caution myself, "It's just my jealousy talking, or is it my envy?. " What has she got that I don't have?" in a feathery whisper it came to me "her youth?", "confidence?", it felt like a dagger through my heart. "Whatever went wrong?", "What did I do wrong?", my mind played back my past, the answer was "Many things", I did many things wrong, but the most important thing I did wrong, was not trusting God completely. I focused on getting things done my way, look good, talk good, feel good, be good! And when it didn't work, I bent a bit, bent some more, then almost lost it completely. Always said "I trust God", became my mantra at some point, I must have been paying lip service, because I am beginning to sound like a broken record, and yet it seems nothing is happening.
A friend of mine once said to me " Do you know you are like a lion, living amongst goats and trying to act like one of them?". I tried to imagine a lion bleating, skipping, chewing on grass, but I just couldn't conjure the image.
A lion is confident,
A lion does not skip,
it walks majestically.
A lion roars,
it doesn't bleat.
I have been bleating pitifully. Self righteously flirting with the Devil, handling sin with kid gloves, indulging unhealthy thoughts, yet having the audacity to ask God why? I need a complete turnaround.
She can swagger because she knows she is a lion. Though she may be among goats but she knows she's still a lion and lions have goats for supper. End of jealousy, end of envy, I know who I am, I know what I should be and do, but the big question is will I do it?
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